I don't always wake up on the right side of the bed. Sometimes, I wake up feeling sort of grumpy, oftentimes for no particular reason, so then I come up with a reason, like, "Oh, I better hurry and post something on my blog, because obviously, I'll never be a Real Writer if I can't even maintain a daily blog!"
And then I feel so apathetic about my life and my silly blog that I have absolutely nothing funny or cheerful to say to the internet, and then I wonder if I will ever write Real Writing, like magazine articles, or if I will just keep posting here forevermore and capitalizing phrases for emphasis that grammatically have No Reason to be capitalized.
Then I change gears and think about how I am so Not Prepared to teach the preschool program at church tonight, how I better get on that, and then I think about the pepperoni on my kitchen floor that I was way too lazy to pick up last night (which I fully realize is totally disgusting). And then I wonder why my apartment can't just magically clean itself? And then I think about what a terrible housekeeper I am, and then I start to wonder if I can just blog about what's really going through my head, instead of trying to be so bright and shiny all the time?
And then I feel guilty for moaning over my first world problems. I don't even have a Real Job! What do I have to complain about?
And then I can't help but think that if I had a Real Job (beyond trying but mostly failing to be a writer), Damian and I could buy more Stuff, like hipster sunglasses and moccasins, but at the same time, if I had a Real Job, Damian and I would be apart for 8 hours a day and that sounds terrible to me (even if it is Real Life for almost every other married couple ever). We've been so blessed that he can stay home and make a living, and I can stay home and make a tiny bit of living. (In 2011, my blog grossed $45 for the whole year. Whoa!)
I'm hoping that someday I'll get to pay taxes.
Damian and I are together most of the time, and we like it that way. Selfishly, neither of us want our situation to change.
I also know, from past experience, that when I work Real Jobs, I do not write, not enough to get anywhere. So, if I had a Real Job, I'd probably be so tired and uninspired that I would essentially give up on writing and that would be tragically sad to me (even if 99.99% of the world would not even notice).
So, I suppose what I am saying is that I am blessed that I can stay home and write, but I am still grumpy. There is no moral to this story.
The end.
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(Typewriter from Nomad Words; Notebook by The Black Spruce)
I know EXACTLY how you feel. Like, yes. Exactly.
ReplyDeleteAw, I feel less alone now! :)
DeleteYou're grumpy? Good for you!! We all need grumpy days to put the good stuff in perspective. If it was ALL good stuff, we'd take it for granted. HUGS! This too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I agree, it's healthy to be grumpy every now and then, right? Thanks for the hugs. :)
DeleteThis is the best. It made me smile =] Some of my favorite posts are streams-of-consciousness ones...must start doing some of my own sometime soon. They're generally the most cleansing as well.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Stream of consciousness is fun to write, and after I finished this post, I felt a lot better and was actually in an okay mood for the rest of the day. :)
DeleteYou made $45 on your blog?!?!? Good grief, I'd feel rich if my blog made ANYTHING!
ReplyDeleteHaha, yeah, this one time I wrote a sponsored post on behalf of a dancewear company. It was the greatest moment in the history of my blogging career.
DeleteDon't get down! I am also a terrible housekeeper...there are just so many better things to do.
ReplyDeleteTry not to worry about your money situation too much. Louisa May Alcott said something along the lines of "The more you aquire the more you desire" in 'Little Women' and it is so true. When I was a student my fiance and I managed to live on 850$ per month, now that we are both working we have more money than ever and we still feel we don't make enough. Materialism is so ingrained in our society that we truely have to make an effort everyday to overcome it.
PS my blog made 0$ so you are doing better than me haha.
Haha! You read my mind about housekeeping. SO many better things to do! And I totally agree with you about materialism. It takes so little to live, yet we think we need so much. Thanks for your comment. :)
DeleteSometimes the best stories have no moral!
ReplyDeleteWe all need to just have a wine from time to time, it's nothing to feel guilty about. Just because your problems are first world problems, doesn't mean that it doesn't get you down. The trick is to take everything one day at a time.
We all feel apathetic about blogging from time to time, I've had the longest break in history but it feels good to get back to writing again. There are lots of great tips about how to write every day, little challenges to set yourself. The hardest part is to start but I'm sure that once you do the juices will start flowing.
In my creative writing class, we have a task where one person starts a piece and another person continues it. The idea being that the second person doesn't know where the first planned to take it and they usually end up surprising the first. Not sure if that made any sense, I know what I mean in my head but it's late so it might not have translated well.
Also, the husband and I work totally different shifts. It's difficult at times and makes us cherish weekends together more. Enjoy your time with the husband and don't sweat the small stuff...though I would pick up that piece of pepperoni soonish! xx
Ps, following your previous comment by Alisha. Louisa May Alcott also said something along the lines of "Into every life a little rain must fall" in Good Wives.
I did pick up the pepperoni! :)
DeleteYes, I need to challenge myself to write everyday and just do it. I read somewhere last night that every single day in the life of a writer is like a day before a huge term paper that you haven't started yet is due the next morning.
Also, Louisa May Alcott was a wise woman!
Thank you for all your sweet words!
When I read this, I felt that you were reading my mind. I have not blogged in months. Life seems to get the better of me. Why is it so hard to load the dish washer? Really? In past centuries women genuinely knew the meaning of the word. Work. I work as a barista. Yes, I spend 20 hours a week making coffee. Neither do I have a Real Job. I can't even figure out what I would even want to go to colledge for. There is no desire. I love art and spending time with my husband.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your blog. Keep it up!
I totally hear you! Why IS the dishwasher so intimidating?
DeleteAnd I think there's something to be said for doing what you love and enjoying life and not giving in to the pressure to have a Real Job and Big House and Lots of Stuff.
I love writing, ballet, and spending time with my husband. And that's mostly what I do. We aren't so different!
Thank you for your sweet words. :)
P.S. I think it's really neat that you work as a barista. I'd love to know how to make all those fancy coffees. :)