After I wrote this post (in which I had something of a small identity crisis and poured my heart out to all you kind and gentle people), I thought and thought and prayed and prayed, and Damian and I talked and talked, and then I registered at a new dance school for five ballet classes per week, as well as a preparatory class for the Cecchetti Grade I exam, which meets twice a month.
I take my first class tonight, and I am relieved but frightened, happy but apprehensive, and all manner of mixed emotions. Yet despite my nerves, I know this is exactly what I want to be doing, what I have wanted for many, many years.
I only worry because for the Cecchetti exams, my technique will have to be very precise--I must practice, practice, practice!--and also because though I will be taking two intermediate classes, I still consider myself a beginner. I have discussed my previous experience with my new instructor, who seems to think I will do okay in the intermediate levels, and I suppose, if I am behind, it's better to begin the intermediate classes now and play catch up, as opposed to waiting. For as we all know, I am not getting any younger. It may seem strange to talk this way at 24, but when you are taking ballet and most of the dancers at your level are decade or more younger than you, well, then it only makes sense.
I shouldn't worry so much, though. I should relax, enjoy the work, the beauty, even the struggle. And I've said this before, but whatever happens...happens.
Profound, I know.
I often wish I could regain the simple worldview that I had as a child. The other day I asked Lila, "If I ever become a ballet teacher, will you come to my classes?"
And Lila answered, "Yeah! Tutus."
That's the attitude I want to have: Ballet class is not scary! Ballet class means tutus in the spring.
Tutus, you guys!
(Painting by Gia of Big Brain Art)
Hooray! I am so excited for you!
ReplyDelete"Every time you’re making a choice, one choice is the safe/comfortable choice and one is the risky/uncomfortable choice. The risky/uncomfortable choice is the one that will teach you the most and make you grow the most, so that’s the one you should choose. So if traveling Europe as a vagabond for a year is what seems more scary and exciting, do that!" Derek Sivers
What an amazing quote! Thanks for sharing. :)
DeleteVery exciting! I can't wait to hear more about this. I love that you took this amazing leap of faith and followed your dreams.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your sweet words, and thank you for reading!
DeleteP.S. I am such a big fan of Dancing Branflakes. It makes me happy when you comment here. :)
Yay! Sounds really nice, 5 classes and all :) I started one more new class this season, with a new teacher. The first class was Super exciting, I haven't been that nervous in ages. Almost like going to a job interview. But it went okay and following classes have been more relaxed. And hey, the Cecchetti stuff sounds very interesting!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad your classes are going well! I was nervous tonight, but fortunately my teacher is very sweet. You are right, though, that dancing for a new teacher feels a bit like a job interview--you can't help but wonder, what is she thinking of me!
DeleteYou go girl! Today is a big day for our household, too. My little one has her very first class of ballet ever, following in every woman in my family's footsteps. Hopefully this will be the first of many :)
ReplyDeleteAw, congrats to your little ballerina on her first class!
DeleteI am soooo jealous/excited for you that you get to take class 5 times per week! Eeek!
ReplyDeleteI had to majorly break the bank this term just to afford once per week :(
Why OH why can't ballet be free?
DeleteI've been there, when I couldn't afford ballet at all and when I could only afford one class a week. It's tough.
Honestly, if I didn't have a ridiculously supportive husband and a friend who supports me with pointe shoes, I probably wouldn't be taking ballet at all.
I really, really hope you get to take more classes soon.