Friday, May 4, 2012
Last week, on a whim, Damian and I planted a garden on our balcony. He planted herbs. I planted flowers.
I wanted to plant my flowers in the ice bucket from our wedding reception, because of course I like to things with sentimental value with dirt.
Then Damian had the nerve to say, "You know, Hannah, flower pots need holes in the bottom, so the water can drain away from the roots. Otherwise, the roots will rot."
And I was like, "What? No way."
And he was like, "Yeah way, but you can put rocks in the bottom of the bucket, so the water drains through the rocks."
And I was like, "Shoot. We don't have any rocks. You know what? I don't believe you!"
And he was like, "Google it!"
And I was like, "Fine, I will!"
And then I Googled it, and then I was mumbling under my breath, "Oh-my-goodness-why-does-Damian-know-everything-uggghhh."
And then I came back to the garden and was like, "Fine! Guess what? I'm going rock hunting!"
And he was like, "What on earth is rock hunting?"
And I was like, "When you go search for rocks! Duh!"
Then I pointed from the balcony to a pile of rocks down below and said, "See! I'll just go get some of those."
And he said, "No! You can't! Those were purchased and placed by a landscape artist, who someone paid a lot of money. You can't take those rocks! That's stealing."
And I was like, "Well, whatever! I'll go find other rocks!"
I then set forth on my journey with nothing but an empty Utz container, but all I could find were these beautiful, round, smooth rocks in this Japanese garden, and I was thinking, you know, these rocks were probably purchased and placed by a landscape artist who someone paid a lot of money, and then I was completely beside myself and threw my arms in the air and fell on my knees and shouted to the sky, "Why, OH, why aren't there any naturally formed rocks in Nixa, Missouri?"
And then I saw the light when I happened upon a construction site with an enormous pile of rubble made from mostly dirt, grass, and...rocks!
I filled my empty Utz container, as well as my pockets, and I even swaddled a few more rocks in my t-shirt, too, and then I ran up the stairs to my apartment and yelled, "Damian! Damian! I found some rocks! But I need more! You have to come and help!"
So, I brought Damian to the construction site, and he said, "The construction workers are going to jump out from behind that pile of rubble and fine us for stealing their rocks, and then we are going to go to jail when we can't afford the fine."
And I was like, "Whatever, dude, we aren't stealing. We are dumpster diving."
And he was like, "We are WHAT?"
"Dumpster diving! You know, if I had taken the rocks from the Japanese garden, I would have been stealing, but these rocks are someone else's trash, not someone else's property, so we are just dumpster diving, which is perfectly legal, obviously."
And he was like, "I don't think this is good for my reputation."
And I was like, "You and your reputation!"
And he was like, "Quick! Duck! I see the faint outline of what could be people in the distance!"
And I was like, "Whatever, dude! I'm hunting me some rocks!"
And then we came home, and I planted my begonias in the ice bucket from our wedding reception that now has rocks in the bottom. True story.